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SHORTLY AFTER CELEBRATING HIS 50TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, Steven Loring’s father died. As Loring helped his mother sort through financial documents and condolences, she turned to him and asked, “Is that it? No one is ever going to hug me or hold me or touch me for the rest of my life?”

Loring was taken aback by his mom’s question. “It never even occurred to me once that would be what’s on her mind,” he told Insider.

Loring’s 2014 documentary, The Age of Love, which explores speed dating for older people, was inspired by that conversation.

While it’s been years since its release, the film still brings up many conversations among those who watch it about older folks, love, and lust. It also has inspired more speed-dating events for people 70 and older, including one this fall designed by a college class at the University of Wisconsin.

You never outgrow the desire to talk about your love life

Soon after Loring had the conversation with his mother that sparked his idea for the documentary, he noticed that his 78-year-old uncle, a lifelong bachelor, had much less interest in spending time with family than he previously had. The explanation? Loring says the uncle had struck up a “full-on love affair” with a woman in his retirement community and, like most people in a new relationship, they were intensely focused on each other.

It was a development that piqued Loring’s curiosity.    Continue Reading

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CONVERSATIONS WITH LEADERS IN THE FIELD OF ELDER CARE from the century-old Jewish Home Family who share their expertise and wisdom on aging well, caring for elders, decisions faced by older adults and the burgeoning field of elder tech redefining how we age. Hosted by President and CEO Carol Silver Elliott, the show features guests and interviews from the cutting edge of the world of elder care and beyond.

CAROL SILVER ELLIOTT: WELCOME TO ‘ADVANCING THE ART OF AGING’. I’m Carol Silver Elliott…and I am really delighted today to have as our guest, Steven Loring. We met Steven when we were introduced to one of his films, ‘The Age of Love’. And we actually used it as a community education opportunity. We showed the film and then he was kind enough to join us to answer questions and share some commentary. But I have to say that we all – talking about love – we all fell in love with your film. Steven, thank you so much for joining us today….

FILMMAKER STEVEN LORING WASN’T THINKING ABOUT LOVE. He wasn’t thinking about matters of the heart or about dating. Loring was sitting at his mother’s kitchen table, thinking about finances.

After his father’s passing, he was helping his 71-year-old mother settle into the new normal of life as a widow, and managing his mother’s financial situation was the task at hand. His mother sat beside him, writing thank you notes for condolences she’d received, when, suddenly, she looked up and asked, “Who’s ever going to hug me again for the rest of my life, or hold me, or touch me? Now I’m just another old lady in the world, alone.” Loring considered her words but had no answer.

Later that spring, Loring’s uncle moved from his home into a continuing care community. At 78, he had never married or, as far as anyone in the family knew, even dated. Soon after moving into his new digs, however, he met a woman (80 years young) and struck up what Loring calls a “wild, full-on, teenage love affair.” He says he was surprised his uncle was so “capable and interested and ready to plunge into this relationship, something he’d never experienced before.”

Seeing his uncle so happy, so full of life and love, inspired Loring, who once wrote Movies-of-the-Week for network TV, to go back to school to study social documentary filmmaking – and to start exploring the idea that love and the need for connection don’t have hard-and-fast rules, age limits or expiration dates.

In his resulting documentary, The Age of Love, Loring follows a real-life group of seniors in upstate NY who embark on a journey to find companionship through a local speed dating event exclusively for 70- to 90-year-olds.   Continue Reading

(Part of national coverage of Dawn Norris’s sociology class at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse, where students screened The Age of Love, then organized a community-wide senior speed dating event as their semester project.)

ELVIS AND SINATRA SANG SONGS ABOUT LOVE.

Couples played with their coffee cups, exchanging shy smiles.

And, for a moment, the third floor of UW-La Crosse’s Student Union resembled some forgotten cafe, a picture cut out of the past, hung up in the present.

“Most places that people go to meet each other are designed for young or middle-aged people,” said sociology professor Dawn Norris, who with the help of her students organized a speed dating event for the area’s senior citizens.

“It’s really sweet to see them connect,” sociology major Angela Steffens told the La Crosse Tribune . “Not necessarily for love, but for friendship, too.”

More than two dozen seniors rolled up to the university in their Sunday best on Wednesday — the women with lipstick and made-up hair, the men in jackets and sweaters, a boyish twinkle in their eyes.

“I heard about it this morning and came on a whim,” said a man who asked to be called Pete King, a fake name. King said he was single and ready to find his queen.

“It does get harder to meet people as you age,” he said. “I’ve been looking, tried dating sites and all that. The trouble is, when you’re older, you’re just so set in your ways.”

Couples were given five minutes to talk with each other, to discuss the weather, or current events, or how the Beatles wrote songs far, far better than the ones on the radio.

At the end of the five minutes, a bell would ring. The couples would fill out a scorecard, grading the date, and decide if they’re open to spending more time together. Then the women in the room would move on to the next table, the next date.   Continue Reading

PICTURE THIS: A GROUP OF SENIOR CITIZENS GATHER IN A ROOM, mingle over drinks and snacks, and then find their seats at one of the many small tables, one man and one woman at each. They have five minutes to talk, to learn each other’s names and interests and backgrounds, and then a bell rings. On to the next date.

Events like this are usually aimed at young professionals — until now. Speed-dating events for seniors are slowly cropping up across the country and, spoiler alert, they’re a huge success.

“I think people forget that when you get older, and especially if you lose a spouse or partner, you’re by yourself a lot,” Kim Phillips, the senior citizens services manager at the Portage Senior Center in Portage, Michigan, told TODAY. “Isolation can be a physical killer.”

Speed dating typically conjures images of big cities and millennials, but as Phillips is learning, it might also be a unique fit for senior citizens. She’s organized five speed-dating events for seniors in her community so far, with more planned for November and December.   Continue Reading

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HAVING A STRONG SOCIAL NETWORK HAS A POSITIVE EFFECT ON THE HEALTH OF SENIOR CITIZENS. But here’s the thing: Finding a partner and friends can be tougher for older adults.

Tammy, a Kalamazoo-area woman, has been searching for that special someone for a long time.

“I’m 65. I am divorced, and I have been on my own for about 18 years,” she says. “I’ve had some dates in between.” But nothing turned serious.

She’s even tried a matchmaking service. “It’s a paid service, where they do a background check and everything… It’s been three or four years since I signed up with them, and they never really got any matches for me.”

Gordon is a 78-year-old man from Portage. He says it’s been hard to move on after the death of his wife of over a half century, who died three years ago.

He has taken a few women out to lunch since her death, but he says he wouldn’t call that dating.

“When you’re married that many years as long as I’ve been, you figure you’re never going to find love again because it’s too big of a loss,” he explains, pausing, his voice beginning to crack.

“And to try to overcome that loss is a difficult thing to do.”

Playing cupid: Speed dating

Kim Phillips manages the Portage Senior Center. She’s heard similar stories from older adults as they seek to re-enter the dating world.

So in July the senior center started offering its first ever speed dating events to address the social isolation some older adults feel. There’s ones for people aged 50 to 65; another for those 65 and up. The response from women has been especially robust, resulting in waiting lists and, ultimately, more sessions added.

It’s only been a few weeks since launching, but speed dating has already led to some older adults no longer having to spend their days alone.

“We got a call from a gentleman who was at the first speed dating event on July 17th, who said he has made a connection with a woman that night,” Phillips says. “They have been seeing each other practically every day, and they’re happy. He said he almost didn’t show up to the event. He was so nervous in the parking lot.”

What was originally supposed to be a handful of speed dating events will now be many ones offered several times a year on either an every-other-month or quarterly basis, officials say…

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RAY ANDREWSEN: TONIGHT, RIGHT HERE AS PART OF THE JCC’s BECKERMAN JEWISH FILM SERIES, AN EXCEPTIONAL FILM will be at Tower One Tower East in New Haven.

It’s touching, it’s poignant, it’s funny, very funny. It’s ‘THE AGE OF LOVE’, a film by Steven Loring, and it’s about speed dating in Rochester, New York. And joining us this morning is Steven Loring at WQUN. Great to have you here. Thanks for being with us.

Steven Loring: Thanks Ray, it’s my pleasure.

Ray Andrewsen: You know, I can’t imagine a 70, 80, 90-year-old person speed dating. It just doesn’t sound like that would be an event you’d naturally call to mind, somebody who’s an octogenarian or a nonagenarian. But somehow you filmed all of this, and put it in this great film.

Steven Loring: Well, I think it’s a concept whose time is certainly coming. The world is changing in so many ways, demographically. When I was growing up, I know my grandparents were in their 60s and they were already “old” and retiring and looking for a few activities to do in the years they had remaining. Whereas today, people 70s, 80s, 90s, even 100 and beyond, are out living and growing and experiencing things in a whole new way. And as long as you’re alive, people want to grow, and growth means connection, it means emotional connection. And so it just makes sense, I think, that we’re starting to get rid of some of those stereotypes and address aging as it is in this millennium. Which is a lot different.

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THE HAIR MAY BE GOING GRAY AND THE EYESIGHT DIM, but the yearning for social connection — for the touch of a hand, the sound of a companionable laugh — remains a person’s strongest need through the decades.

In some cases the longing for love can mean a willingness to do the unexpected. Like speed dating at 80. Or speed dating while on an oxygen tank.

United Way of Miami-Dade volunteers and staff discovered this when they launched Continue United, an effort to bring retirees and pre-retirees together to contribute their time and talent to the community through the local nonprofit. The interest in the dating scene is such that Continue United’s second event, a dinner-and-movie night scheduled for Feb. 2, sold out after a single email blast. The committee has started a waiting list for the evening, which is co-sponsored by AARP and the Consortium for a Healthier Miami-Dade.   Continue Reading

MADISON, WIS. – PATTI HEMMING IS NOT ONE FOR WAITING. Comfortably situated at table seven with a condensation-covered copper cup in hand, she was already well into her mindset for her happy hour engagement.

“It’s an adventure,” Hemming said.

John F. Kennedy was president when Hemming met her husband. That was the last date she ever went on.

“March 19, 1963,” Hemming said.

She lost her one-and-only years ago, and knowing he would want her to be happy, Hemming found herself at a series of events hosted by the Madison Senior Center centered on helping people make a match in their later years.

Hemming managed to convince a few friends to come with her to the Madison Concourse Hotel. They had six minutes to meet and greet their fellow seniors, all at least 65 years old, in the first senior speed dating event of its kind.    Continue Reading

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A NEW FILM CALLED ‘THE AGE OF LOVE’, WHICH FOLLOWS A GROUP of seventy- to ninety-year-olds as they try speed dating, is coming to the University of Nevada, Reno. Reno Public Radio’s Noah Glick recently chatted with the film’s director, Steven Loring, to talk about what dating is like for this group.

Noah Glick: Tell me a little bit about the film and what you experienced.

Steven Loring: The story of the film is the adventures of 30 70-to-90-year-olds in Rochester, New York who sign up for a very unique speed dating event. And the film follows them from the time they sign up through their experiences at the dating event and when they receive their results, and then we follow several of the couples who go out on dates afterwards.

You could describe it as kind of a humorous and poignant meditation on the overlooked hearts of that generation: the needs, the emotional desires of a group of people that we really haven’t paid a whole lot of attention to.    Continue Reading